Mama's Birthday--Ch. 2

I tiptoe to my room and set my alarm clock before shoving it under my pillow. Tomorrow is mama’s birthday and I want to surprise her. James is going to help me. I shiver as I remember James’ arm brushing mine as we talked quietly on the street tonight. We drifted back in the shadows as the activity increased on the streets. He was subdued tonight talking about his mom and old memories. I asked him if he was scared and he nodded. He doesn’t know what to do. He wants to make it better. He is concerned about disappointing his mother. He hasn’t been doing so well in school since he started hanging out with his girlfriend, and now he is worried that he might not be able to go to college since his grades aren’t very good anymore. He worries about his little sister and brother and knows that their dad won’t be much help. He knows he really needs to go to school to help raise them. I told him I was scared to go to school too, but then unexpectedly, I blurted out that I really want to be a doctor someday.

It was the first time I had shared this secret with anyone. I love science and thought maybe I could work in the lab at first, but now I had shared with him that I really wanted more. James was real sweet. He didn’t laugh, but looked at me with his soft brown eyes and told me he knew that I could do it because I was smart…and compassionate.

He reminded me that when we were kids I was always doctoring his wounds, “Do you remember that bike wreck when I was eight?” he asked.

“Boy! How could I forget? I was so worried you weren’t going to get up again!”

“Really? You were worried? You were so calm that I didn’t even think I was hurt too bad until everything started burning. That was some serious road rash! But, I looked pretty good by the time mama saw me.”

We smiled together at the memory. He had casually put his arm around me and squeezed my shoulder. I knew he felt the way I did tonight, unsure but looking for hope. As we looked across the street at the kids getting high, we were both quiet. Wanting more...but so hard to find the courage. James broke the silence by saying that his girlfriend was running with Joe down the street, or should he say ex? She split when he heard about his mother. It was hard on him to watch her go.

“My mama has cared for me for 17 years, and I want to be here with her now. I owe her that.” Pausing, his voice grew strong again as he continued, “Our junior year is almost over. Can you believe we are almost seniors? Do you remember the first day of kindergarten? I was so scared!”

I could hear the emotion in his voice, and I knew he was scared again in a different way. He made it through kindergarten, and he knew he would make it through again even though it wouldn’t be as easy as just coloring in the lines.

I told James that it was mama’s birthday tomorrow and I wanted to surprise her with fresh flowers in the morning. She loves flowers, but no one ever brings her any. I thought if I headed to the park early I could find the flower cart and pick the prettiest ones. James smiled at me again and suggested he could sneak out with me. I told him that was fine. I had been saving for a while.

I told him that when I was a little girl I sometimes didn’t realize how strong my mama was except when I was misbehaving. I wish I could do something real special for her tomorrow, but she insists that I just need to do my school work and not worry about a job until this summer. As James listened quietly, I knew he understood what I was trying to say.

My thoughts drifted again, as I remember being a young girl and being embarrassed by my mother’s worn clothes for the first time when a classmate pointed it out to me. I feel so guilty now for not wanting my mom to come to school anymore. I can still see the hurt in her eyes when she agreed to let me walk alone. She knew why. All these years later, and it still makes my heart ache. I see now how hard she has worked to raise me.

It was fun to be together tonight like old times. Mama smiled. I love her smile. She always looks deep into my eyes and makes me feel like I am so special when I talk to her. I know when she disapproves, but she seldomly says anything.

Grandma has been so cranky lately. I know she hurts mama’s feelings. Sometimes mama gets impatient and snaps back, but mostly she just cleans the apartment and lets me talk to grandma. She is always nice to me. I think grandma is lonely. I wonder sometimes what grandpa was like. Mama doesn’t talk about him much, and when she does I can see the pain in her eyes. Sometimes, I study the picture of him on the end table. I can see my mama’s eyes. When I was a little girl I would make up stories about him in my head. He died when Mama was young. I think it was just before she was going to leave for college, but then she didn’t know if her mama could manage on her own without work, so she went to work and hasn’t stopped. My dad left when I was just little. He came last night, but I just don’t have much to say to him anymore. He stops by once in a while, and mama is always cordial, but cool. I know he doesn’t help her, but visits in his flashy clothes and big talk before he leaves again. I am not sure where he goes. I know grandpa took care of his little girl…

When I saw the falling star tonight, I wished a special wish for mama on her birthday. I hope she loves her flowers. I saw a pretty gold chain in the window the other day that said “Mama.” She would have loved it against her creamy chocolate neck. She really is a pretty lady. I told grandma about it but she just snorted at the impracticality of it. Practical is for ordinary days. Tomorrow is mama’s birthday, and it should be impractical. I checked my alarm again as I felt my eyes grow heavy and burrowed into my pillow, smiling at my scheme.

I almost didn’t hear my alarm. I rolled over before I realized what was happening. I quickly shut it off and listened for mama’s breathing before moving again. She was still sleeping, so I stealthily pulled on the clothes I had laid out last night and tiptoed out wishing I could brush my teeth, but I couldn’t risk waking mama. James was already on the street waiting for me. We didn’t say anything as we walked away from the apartment. The morning was warm and the night shower was glistening on the grass.

After a couple blocks James broke the silence, “Do you think we should take the short cut or do you want to walk along the park’s edge?”

I hesitated.

He commented that usually my mama slept late on Saturdays, so we had plenty of time if I wanted. I smiled and he took my hand. We walked in silence again, as we watched the birds swooping and chirping their morning greetings. When a cardinal flew so close we both ducked, we broke out laughing. The streets were quiet, so our laughter carried. It felt good to laugh with a friend.

As we approached the cart, I was pleased to see there were lots of flowers. As I walked around looking for the perfect bouquet, the man commented that his flowers were fresh this morning. I couldn’t decide in my first circle, so I started around again. Sensing the importance of my journey, the flower man started talking quietly to James, as I absorbed myself in my decision. Finally I found a brightly colored bouquet. I caught James’ eye and pointed. He nodded approval and pointed it out to the man. He gently removed the flowers and took my money before handing them to me with instructions on how to keep them fresh. I nodded in understanding, as James joined me for the journey home.

We walked back down memory lane, as we remembered how we loved picking dandelions for our moms. We would hold them behind our back before presenting them, but they always knew that we were playing in the dandelions, as we had the tell-tale signs of yellow around our faces. Dandelions can grow anywhere even in the cracks of the sidewalk. The splash of yellow is enchanting to a child.

As we neared home, we silenced our voices, so they didn’t carry to the open windows above. As he opened the door, James plucked a dandelion and wiped it under my chin before dashing mischievously to the safety of his apartment door. I quietly eased the apartment door open. I could hear that mama was not sleeping soundly anymore, so I knew she had heard me. I reached for the special vase above the refrigerator, adding water before arranging the flowers. They smelled so pretty! I carried the bouquet across the room to the table and set them down admiring my work. I saw mama was headed to the shower and heard the door click. I sat down to write her a quick card. When she emerged and saw the flowers her eyes twinkled and then glistened with tears as I hugged her and told her happy birthday before shyly sharing my card. I felt like a little girl again.

Mama asked me to go to breakfast with her at the diner down the street. I agreed. As we headed out the door and down the street, I realized I don’t walk with mama very often anymore. Usually, I sleep late on Saturdays, and she comes alone. As we walked into the familiar room, I smiled as the odor of bacon and eggs filled the air. We sat at a table for two this morning instead of at the counter. The cook smiled and waved, acknowledging she would bring our favorite this morning.

As mama talked I noticed a man near the window studying me with old gentle eyes. I nodded and he looked away. Mama didn’t seem to notice him. Soft lines filled his face and short gray hair framed his face. The sun shone in on him putting him in a glow of light. He ate quietly gazing out the window. Our breakfast arrived and I ate hungrily, but when I looked up I noticed he was gone. I briefly wondered where he had gone before my thoughts were interrupted with the chorus of voices singing happy birthday. Our neighborhood family had not forgotten, as they each shared a special greeting for my mama.

Smiling graciously, she thanked them as we walked towards the door. As we stepped out into the street, I paused and noticed the man again in the shadows of the alley across the street wearing a handsome old hat. He smiled. Mama followed my gaze quizzically. He waved. I lifted my hand and he disappeared.