Meanderings...

One week ago today my family agreed to provide emergency care for orphans as an emergency rescue plan was implemented. We did not have details. We knew we could be providing care for up to four children. Our family went into planning and preparation mode trying to anticipate the unexpected.

As the week has unfolded, we have been on standby. The expected delivery date came and went without any word. Finally, a plane landed carrying the anticipated passengers. Medical attention was first.

Then we learned that adoptive parents were arriving. We celebrated their journey from afar. A child should go home with their anticipated family. Of course the legalities surrounding adoption are complex and designed to protect children, and so additional challenges emerged as the complexities are inevitable depending on the stage of adoption. Nonetheless, we watched with hope for each family.

Today, some families are still working through these issues in a system that can sometimes be frustrating, so the children that still were not placed with their families have been moved to a group setting with the remaining orphans at a facility designed to work with large groups of children.

I do not know if my services will be utilized in the weeks ahead, but for now I know this weekend will be quiet.

As a biological, adoptive, and foster mother I have watched the events unfold with mixed emotions. Equally interesting are the varying viewpoints of others as they too watch the activities.

First, I want to say that I empathize with the Haitian government in their fear that children will be swept off the streets of Haiti and transported to another country never to be seen again. Why? Because in the aftermath of tragedy, if I was injured and unable to find my niece and nephews immediately and they were whisked away from me forever, I would be devastated. The loss would emotionally hamper me for the rest of my life...far beyond the earthquake. I would wonder if they were safe. I would miss them. My heart would cry in the night. Unable to speak their language and without money, I would never be able to find them in my reality. The helplessness would choke me.

Until every single family member has the opportunity to find and provide for their children the best that they can, no child should leave Haiti that has not already been proclaimed an orphan or at least resided at the orphanage. Honestly, I recognize the immediate peril of their survival, and it seems so easy to just bring them to a rich country and feed them and love them and make everything all right. The cruel irony is that it is not that easy. The loss of family. Culture. Climate...is so overwhelming that is it not just quickly overcome by adding food and love which adoption experts are scrambling to inform the public of now. This is important. Adoption is wonderful. I know. However, it cannot be undertaken in an emotional moment without education and support...and thought...

Horrifyingly, we live in a world that kidnaps children and sells them in underground sex trade rings. Some things are worse than death...

As Americans respond to the images of devastation, we must also be mindful of all these issues, so we can make good decisions for each child. There is not a perfect solution, I know. Amidst tragedy answers are not easy. We must take the time to ponder these issues carefully and work cautiously or the unexpected consequences could be devasting to the future of everyone.

As countries pool resources, let us move with careful intent. Let us be mindful of others, compassionate. Let us be respectful of all, avoid pity. Remember to listen to all viewpoint, unjudgementally. Be careful not to presume knowledge of answers unknown. Contempletive is the word I hope emerges as realities of the earthquake unfold.

Realities. As I consider my different roles of motherhood, I pause. Ten years ago, in the delivery room, I remember fondly my husband's utter shock..."It...it...it's a...BOY??!" He was anticipating a girl. The ultrasound had been basically inconclusive, and he had thought it would be a girl, not that it mattered. But as I look back on the moment and his surprise. It makes me smile. I can see him hold his son tight in that first moment. A little boy that looked just like his Daddy...down to the the smile.

Then when we welcomed Chayse into our lives, it was very different. We were not there in that moment. We knew she was a girl from the beginning. As the day neared when we could take her home, and the rest of the family finally met her, she snuggled up to Kade in the carseat next to him and laid her head on his shoulder. His little head hugged hers and silently they rode. A welcome into a family can be different, but the love is just as powerful. Then ironically, for the first time, I heard the words from strangers, "Your little girl looks just like you." I know I smiled from ear to ear because in a quiet moment in the rocking chair as she curled her body into mine, I could almost remember carrying her as she gently squirmed against me...until I blinked hard. It was an amazing moment. The journey was different, but our lives welded together in complete love nonetheless.



People are so fascinated that Chayse and Kade arrived on the same day, but for me, it just seems like it should be that way...

I suspect my littlest sister's comment that "if I read your stuff back to back it is like being pregnant" may be applicable today, except this is just one post! Point of clarification: I am not pregnant, but perhaps the anticipation has triggered the hormones anyway :)